The Sad Truth: I Can’t Vote

To my fellow Citizens,

Barack Obama said it, Anziz Ansari said it, hell, even Katy Perry did as well. Vote. Vote, vote, vote. Everyday I open my Facebook, that’s the first thing I see. My feed is filled with celebrities, politicians, and college students, all preaching the importance of our generations involvement in this year’s presidential election. It’s because of these incessant posts, these daily reminders, that I can no longer keep my truth hidden. To the ones that give a damn about what I have to say, it is time I was honest with you. I, Shelby Barnes, will not be voting this presidential election.

Before the patriots grab their pitchforks, the Trump supporters throw their toupees, or the Clinton minions set fire to their pantsuits, hear me out. My decision to withhold my vote isn’t related to the lack of enthusiasm I hold for this country, or my inability to turn in important documents on time. It is because of this country’s rigid requirements to vote that I object accepting full fault for this predicament. I request, false, demand that the system claim partial responsibility for my nonexistent ballot.

As I see it, I am but a distressed college student who doesn’t have residency in the state I’m from or the one I live in. That being said, this makes it almost impossible to register, given that the US government doesn’t recognize those from the state of No License No Vote.

It is days like these days I like to think Jeb Bush and I share something special. We’re both a mess.

Yesterday I failed you, today I failed you, and tomorrow I will do just the same. From now until Nov. 8, I will be of no use to this nation, a mere disruption to this country’s belief in red, white and freedom. Take my passport, my Willie Nelson star spangled headband. Take the respect and the pride, though it was almost nonexistent, that have for this country. Take it all. Just please, if I dare ask, stop shoving your ability to check a box down my throat.


A Cheated Citizen