When I say Michael Bublé, what comes to mind? An image of a middle-aged white man? A jazzy baritone singing voice? A weirdly heteronormalized version of “Santa Baby?”

Now, take that image and add Jason Derulo.

Yes, that one. The singer of “Talk Dirty” and “The Rum Tum Tugger” in the deeply unsettling 2019 live-action film production of “Cats.”

The combination of both men may seem like a quick glimpse into a 40-year-old woman’s daytime fantasies, but I believe they are the musical pair that could resurrect even the most abandoned “contextually-inappropriate songs to play at a middle school dance” playlist.

The unlikely duo released “Spicy Margarita” Jan. 6—a two and a half minute Latin Pop track with Derulo’s powerful falsetto dancing over the retro richness of Bublé’s voice to the tune of Dean Martin’s “Sway.” 

The title of the song couldn’t be more fitting, as listening to the full track and downing a margarita leaves me in the same fuzzy state: feeling wholly invincible and yearning for Jason Derulo. 

The song outlines Derulo’s encounter with a nymphomaniac, while Bublé plays hype man in the interludes, outlining the steps to making a spicy margarita and a spicy evening. The combination of both singers’ voices creates a dynamic push-and-pull of crooner singing and unwavering riffs. 

Not only does the song have an invigorating tempo and masterful vocals, it also has deeply prolific and eloquent lyrics, such as:

“Girl, you crazy, couldn’t even wait for the room (Woo-ooh-oh, oh-oh)

Shakin’, shakin’ tryin’ to keep up with you (Woo-ooh-oh, oh-oh)”

And:

“Mornin’, sex me in the mornin’.” 

During my first listen I had to pause and consider whether these were the words of two modern-day pop artists, or recitations of Walt Whitman himself. 

Unfortunately, we live in a state of modernity that undermines the value of true art and neglects to enrich the public in the ways of properly admiring creative pursuits. It is for this reason, and this reason alone, that “Spicy Margarita” has not been critically acclaimed in the manner it so deserves.

Some artless users on “Album of the Year” have left reviews degrading the integrity of the song, with user Bandruk saying:

“Maybe one of the most grating choruses I have heard in a long time, the lyrics are just hard to listen to, and Derulo’s empty vapid personality continues to overshadow anything, including his apparently ‘massive ego.’ Skip this for sure.”

And user Spectatortrust saying:

“Bublé get back in your hole it’s not Christmas. My gf begged me to stop playing this.”

For both users, I sincerely hope that they one day discover what it is to feel joy, as only the miserable-minded could hate so openly on this masterpiece. 

While the world may not be ready to serve as a receptacle for the dynamite cocktail that is “Spicy Margarita,” I have been chemically changed for the better by its presence.

When I’m feeling happy and want to party? “Spicy Margarita.”

When I’m feeling sad and need a boost of positive energy? “Spicy Margarita.”

When my youth begins to fade further and further from me and I must pause to consider the fact that the little girl I once was is as much a stranger to me as I am to her, and that despite my best efforts I can never show her that she is understood, even though she understands me deeply? “Spicy Margarita.”

Derulo and Bublé have created the perfect musical response to every situation, and done so in style. 

Now, when you picture Michael Bublé, picture him next to Jason Derulo, singing a song that combines all the joy of a funky Latin beat with the classic smoothness of Dean Martin’s “Sway” and allow yourself to relish in the delectable spice of this underappreciated treasure.