Where The Sidewalk Ends

Kudos for the construction, Pike/Pine developers!

I never knew what the neighborhood was missing, but now I’ve seen the light: the scenic detour signs, miles of caution tape and general layers of detritus have really given Pike/Pine that certain je ne sais gross that it used to lack.

Seattle is the grunge capitol of the world, after all, and it’s about time that we celebrated our heritage by making the streets as grungy as humanly possible.

I’m not only psyched that Pike/Pine looks more and more like a gigantic scabbing wound every day, but it’s also exciting that it’s all thanks to our race to gentrify every inch of the hill! I really hated living in a neighborhood with all that annoying “character” and “history” and “housing for non-millionaires,” all of which are overrated, if you ask me.

It used to be that when I wanted to walk from my apartment to 12th I just headed due east. So boring, right? These days I get to walk two blocks, then follow a detour, then try to stay somewhat on-course and get chastised by 15 construction workers for walking too close to their projects, then get broken glass in my shoes, then fight and slay a dragon to gain permission to pass, then follow another detour, then hop on a city bus and finally end up at 12th Avenue by way of Ballard. It really gives my life a whole new layer of adventure and definitely doesn’t make me want to drink to excess while writing poems about how deeply I despise the sound of power tools.

So this one’s for you, Capitol Hill developers. May you never stop gutting our beautiful neighborhood like it’s a prize steelhead and may you gaze upon the ultramodern condominiums and soulless office buildings left in your wake and feel it was all worth it.