Critic’s Corner: 11 Silly Halloween Movies That Won’t Make You Pee Your Pants

Most of my friends don’t share my love of all things morbid.

My whole life, I’ve been attracted to creepy things—as a child, my favorite television show was “So Weird” and Goosebumps was my book series of choice. I often fall asleep watching “The Ring” and “Paranormal Activity.” Just last month I read through the Wikipedia pages of the world’s 52 most prolific serial killers just because I could. Needless to say, I shine during the Halloween season.

But I’m not ignorant enough to believe that I’m a part of the majority. Trying to get some of my friends to watch horror movies is like pulling teeth—they conveniently leave the room to “brew more tea” during the creepiest scenes or look up the end ahead of time to keep from wetting their pants.

So, as we get closer to Oct. 31 and my posts begin to revolve solely around the horror genre, I thought it only fair to dedicate a post to horror-haters. Below is a list of silly films (most of which are children’s movies or terrible comedies—sorry) for people who are too scared to sit through the real stuff.


Halloweentown
Disney Channel
Disney Channel

Disney Channel classic “Halloweentown” should be a go-to movie for all scaredy-cats born in the ‘90s.

The four-film saga begins when 13-year-old Marnie finds out her quirky grandmother and uptight mother are witches. Unbeknownst to their mother, Marnie and her siblings follow grandma to Halloweentown, a world filled with mythical creatures and monsters.

This is one of those “had to be there” movies—if you didn’t see it as a kid, you probably shouldn’t see it now. “Halloweentown” is fun only because it will make you feel nostalgic—the acting is horrific, the special effects are laughable and the plot drips with predictable clichés.


The Nightmare Before Christmas
Touchstone Pictures
Touchstone Pictures

Tim Burton’s seminal work “The Nightmare Before Christmas” is perhaps the most imaginative children’s movie ever made.

If you don’t know what this movie is about, you should really think about crawling out from underneath that rock.


Jennifer’s Body
20th Century Fox
20th Century Fox

The only thing scary about this movie is how sh**ty it is.

Megan Fox becomes a full-blown succubus and starts to eat the boys at her high school after being kidnapped by an indie band.

I’m not going to lie—“Jennifer’s Body” is one of my favorite movies because it’s so stupid—so, so stupid. Rife with cheesy dialogue and absurd plot twists, it’s as campy as “The Rocky Horror Picture Show,” “Evil Dead” and “Mean Girls” put together, but has no cult following because it’s seriously SO BAD.


Hocus Pocus
Walt Disney Pictures
Walt Disney Pictures

No Halloween is complete without “Hocus Pocus.”

Starring Bette Midler and Sara Jessica Parker, “Hocus Pocus” is another Disney favorite that will make you wish you were back in elementary school.

Set in Salem, Massachusetts, a group of witches come back to life on Hallow’s Eve when a group of kids disturb the peace and accidently resurrect the hags.

It’ll put a spell on you.


The Addams Family
Paramount Pictures
Paramount Pictures

They’re creepy and they’re kooky, mysterious and spooky. They’re all together ooky, the Addams Family.

Duh-nuh-nuh-nuh. Snap. Snap.


Arsenic and Old Lace
Warner Bros.
Warner Bros.

Frank Capra’s back comedy “Arsenic and Old Lace” follows Cary Grant as he learns that his two favorite aunts are homicidal maniacs—they’ve been poisoning old bachelors and burying them in the basement for decades.

If you want to feel classy and cultured this Halloween, “Arsenic and Old Lace” is a black-and-white classic that will make you seem well-read even if you’re not.


Young Frankenstein
20th Century Fox
20th Century Fox

A Mel Brooks must-see. No description necessary.


Frankenweenie
Walt Disney Pictures
Walt Disney Pictures

Tim Burton’s “Frankenweenie” retells the tale of Frankenstein through the death and resurrection of a wiener dog.

An endearing recreation of an age-old Halloween favorite, “Frankenweenie” pays its respects to the horror movies of Hollywood’s Golden Age and does it without being even slightly creepy.


Casper
Universal Pictures
Universal Pictures

This awful movie is really just included for selfish reasons—it was my favorite Halloween movie as a kid. I thought Christina Ricci’s character was the hippest girl in cinema and I used to pretend Casper lived in my sock drawer.

And that’s why I didn’t have many friends.


Monster House
Columbia Pictures
Columbia Pictures

When his elderly neighbor dies unexpectedly, 12-year-old DJ and his friends discover the old man’s house is a living, breathing monster and they seek to solve its mystery.

“Monster House” is hopelessly underrated.

The 2006 animated film is smart and genuinely funny. Its characters—which include a rebellious babysitter voiced by Maggie Gyllenhaal and a duo of incompetent, donut-eating cops—are surprisingly well developed and cartoonish in a style reminiscent of clay-mation. Although it likely snuck by you unnoticed when it was released seven years ago, it is definitely worth a watch now.


Twitches
Disney Channel
Disney Channel

Just kidding…don’t watch this.